and you said cock pushups were impossible
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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