ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
