Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize