I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
