you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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