Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
