I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
