I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
