Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You were trust falling into bushes
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
