I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Nicole vs. Life
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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