i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
