I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
