too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
