Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
