The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I think your dad took our porno
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Randomize
