dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I met the friendliest cop last night
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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