The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Rumble strips road head = magical
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
