Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
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