all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
