and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
