there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
