i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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