Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
