College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
The uberlube is also flammable
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize