it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
