Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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