I just pynch a tree in the face
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize