Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
