I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
