I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
