The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
