my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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