Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
