When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
