omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize