i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
