hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
