What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
