What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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