even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
