If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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