just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
