u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
