KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
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