i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
