3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷ðŸ»â€â™€ï¸
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize