i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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