I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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