Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i came on her dog
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize