i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
