i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
