Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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