rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
