can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
