hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I am available for nakedness
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
