I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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