its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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