i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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