I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
