Fine. I'll sleep in my office
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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