I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
