someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I need a beard to bite.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
