I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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