you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
