Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
