I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Houston, we have a blender
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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