i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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