I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
