Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
