my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
