His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
