The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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