So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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