Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
