he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
