I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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