I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
