last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
