The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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