The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize