you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
