just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
When are your genitals available?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
