he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
