i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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