Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
