I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize