He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
