i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
