So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
