My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize