quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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