We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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