I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
