Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
