I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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