I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
