Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize