like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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