A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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